The Official House Rules of Les Amis
by N.S.Bennett
Summary: Once Grantaire's little sister Marie moves into the house that Les Amis, Eponine, Gavroche and Cosette share, Enjolras decides they need some rules. Inspired by House Rules by Captain Tiny. Enjolras/Grantaire, Marius/Cosette, slight Combeferre/OC and Enjolras/OC, Enjolras/Eponine friendship.
1. The Rules

Calling Duke a "stupid fat furry alarm clock" is unfair and will result in a scratched/bitten hand.

When Gavroche and Marie go up to their room to do their homework – they mean it because a seventeen-year-old and a twelve-year-old dating would be weird.

When Eponine, Cosette or Marie are PMS-ing/on their period, avoid antagonising them unless you want crushed testicles or a black eye.

All morning arguments should take place after Enjolras has had his first coffee of the day.

Interrupting Joly's morning bathroom routine will result in a forty five minute lecture on personal hygiene and how to care for your body.

Asking if Enjolras likes to be in charge in the bedroom is not funny even if it makes Courfeyrac and Eponine laugh until they can't breathe.

Don't call One Direction a "bunch of sexually confused boys" in front of Joly, Jehan and Marie.

When Bahorel has a 'guest' – don't interrupt them to ask if they'd like a condom or something to eat or drink. Mean Girls is not an example to be copied.

Waking someone up while you are drunk simply to tell them that you love them is only nice the first time.

If you are going to follow the previous rule – at least wear underwear.

Pinging Eponine or Marie's bra strap more than once will result in a black eye/the threat of castration.

If you arrive home and find Marie pacing anxiously and Combeferre nearly in tears do not ask how the driving lesson went.

Follow Joly's rules for putting food in the fridge to avoid tears and a thirty minute lecture on food hygiene.

The same applies for Enjolras' 'library system' unless you want to be bombarded with a minimum of twenty-five reasons why there is a 'library system'.

Reshuffling the medicine cabinet without telling Marie where you put her Fluoxetine will result in Grantaire threatening you with all manners of torture known to man.

When you see Enjolras and Marie talking alone – don't interrupt them. The marble man can be human sometimes.

Gavroche is not allowed to 'sit in' on poker nights while Eponine's out.

"Just checking whether Duke was in here" is not an acceptable excuse for searching someone else's room for porn.

Building a fort out of furniture with Gavroche is acceptable. Leaving it up overnight for Bossuet to fall over while fetching himself a midnight snack is not.

Just because Musichetta, Eponine, Cosette and Marie are women, their place is not always in the kitchen and any male caught saying so will fall victim to a punishment of the girls' choosing.

When Cosette's father comes to visit **DO NOT** leave Grantaire and Bahorel unsupervised.

All episodes of Glee on the Sky Plus box are not subject to deletion unless the deleter is willing to buy every series on DVD.

Game of Thrones is compulsory for everyone in the house.

Do not fight if Marie forces you to watch The Aristocats for the five hundredth time.

If Duke is asleep on your favourite seat, sitting on him is not going to solve anything.

_All household members must comply with these rules. Sanctions and bans will be made for those who do not comply. _


	2. Rule One

**A/N: This first chapter is dedicated to Captain Shamrock because she requested one shots! **

**Calling Duke a "stupid fat furry alarm clock" is unfair and will result in a scratched/bitten hand.**

"OW! YOU FUCKING STUPID CREATURE!" Grantaire's yells resounded through the house, causing most of the occupants to stir. Courfeyrac poked his head out of his bedroom door and looked to the end of the corridor where the room Grantaire shared with Enjolras was. He stepped out of the door and spotted Marie on the stairs, Gavroche peeking out through the banisters. The right leg of her sweatpants was rolled up to her knee, revealing her stripy bed-sock. They looked at each other as Grantaire continued to yell. Enjolras appeared up the stairs, coffee in one hand, newspaper under the other arm. "OW! YOU BASTARD!" Enjolras and Marie looked at each other before running into the bedroom whereupon Marie burst out laughing.

When Enjolras had gotten up to make his first cup of coffee of the morning, he had left their bedroom door open. Duke, the house cat – a British Blue with an eternally grumpy expression – decided that he was fed up with lounging on the carpet on the landing, and casually strolled into the open bedroom and jumped up on the bed to begin meowing in Grantaire's ear and pawing at his face whereupon the young man had gently batted him away. Duke, annoyed that he wasn't being fed, carried on his behaviour causing Grantaire mumble, "Go away you stupid fat furry alarm clock," and accidentally shoved Duke in the face. Acting on instinct, Duke had bitten Grantaire's hand. Hard.

Marie was still laughing while Combeferre and Joly bandaged up Grantaire's hand. She was curled up on a chair at the dining table, a hand wrapped around a mug of tea. Her right leg dangled from the chair and Duke kept walking around it, rubbing his face against her foot every so often.  
"Seriously, Marie, stop." Grantaire said and the seventeen-year-old held up her hands in surrender before swallowing the rest of her tea and standing up. She walked over to the side that Enjolras was leaning against, watching over everything that was happening.  
"Thank you for the tea." Marie said to her brother's boyfriend as she rinsed out her mug and placed it on the draining board. "And the entertainment."  
"You're not so cruel as to delight in your brother's misfortune?" Enjolras asked and Marie smiled fondly as she shook her head.  
"No I'm not. It's more the reaction he had than the actual accident." She looked up at the blonde boy. "Grantaire always makes me laugh. He makes you laugh too, I've noticed."  
"Haven't you got to go to school?" Enjolras asked, giving her a look to shut her up. Luckily she noticed it and darted off to get dressed. As she and Gavroche left, Enjolras noted that she kissed her brother's cheek as she passed him.

When Gavroche and Marie returned to the house after school, they found it strangely silent. Figuring that everyone was probably still at lectures and Feuilly was still at work, Marie made up a plate of biscuits and two glasses of orange squash and Gavroche carried them over to the dining table. As Marie went to follow him a piece of paper on the fridge caught her eye. She read it once and laughed out loud, causing Gavroche to run over to see what she was laughing at. Enjolras (it had to be – it was his handwriting) had headed the paper: 'The Official House Rules of Les Amis de l'ABC' and underneath was the first rule. Gavroche laughed as well and then returned to the table to do his homework.

Later that evening, Enjolras was on his way down from the Game Room to grab some snacks when he passed Marie on the stairs. The brunette smiled at him and said nothing except, "Absolute genius."


End file.
